just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
