I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
