Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
