that's an acceptable place to lick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
