OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
