yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
