Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
