Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
