After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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