god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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