Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
