It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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