i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
