I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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