I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize