mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
