how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
