So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
