I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
