Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
