The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
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