: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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