yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
