he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
