Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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