I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
