I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
