Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
