mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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