I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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