pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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