this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
