Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
