this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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