And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
