So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
