i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
