Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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