Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
