I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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