Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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