ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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