my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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