..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
