The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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