if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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