whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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