Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
