i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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