my mouth tastes like poor choices
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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