sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's like iHOP with fire
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
