It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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