Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
