You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't think brook has ever known best
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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