Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
