There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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