Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
