...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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