Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
