She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
