how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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