in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
