I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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