peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
