i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I intend to get homeless drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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