Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize