I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
