I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
