Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
