Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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