is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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