I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
