hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
