yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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