you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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