Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
