omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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