Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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