he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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