yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sex in a hospital.. check
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
