i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
