his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is wine microwaveable?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
