It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
