Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
