We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
