Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
